Complete Guide: New York Intimate Weddings
So you’ve decided that an intimate wedding is the way to go, but you still aren’t sure where to start. That’s where I come in! My name is Sarah and I’m the owner of Small Shindigs. If this is the first blog post of mine you’re reading, welcome to my little corner of the internet! I am a New York wedding planner specializing in small & intimate weddings. I truly believe in deep connections and feel that intimate weddings allow you to really focus on your love for each other, and the special group you invite to participate in your wedding day.
In this post, I will dive into every aspect of intimate weddings in New York so that you have a great foundation to plan your wedding. I’ll break topics into different sections so it’s easy to digest. You can pin this post to your wedding Pinterest board to save it for later and always feel free to reach out to me with any questions.
What are the different types of intimate weddings?
As you may have found already, intimate means something different to everyone. For giant families, intimate may be 200 people instead of 400. For the purposes of this post and the types of clients I typically work with, I’m going to break it down into 2 categories.
Micro-wedding or Tiny Wedding
These weddings tend to have between 15-30 people and are abbreviated versions of a full-fledged traditional wedding. Most often, there is a ceremony followed by a short celebration like a champagne toast and desserts, or a seated meal.
Intimate or Small wedding
An intimate wedding is any group under 100 people (often in the 40-75 person range) and usually incorporates more of the traditional wedding elements, including dancing and speeches.
What makes intimate weddings different?
A smaller guest count transforms the ambiance of your day, creating an intimate and personalized atmosphere. Obviously, a smaller guest count is going to make your day feel different because you’re surrounded by fewer people. The guest count has a trickle down effect to all areas of your wedding. One of the biggest and best perks of an intimate wedding is that it allows you to get quality time with more (if not all) of your guests. If you have DIY projects or personal favors on the brain, the smaller guest count also makes room for these types of things to not only be possible budget-wise, but time-wise. With fewer logistics to manage, you can even skip some of the formalities, adding a touch of flexibility to your celebration.
Who benefits from an intimate wedding?
Intimate weddings are great for so many people! If you’re shy or reserved, but still want to celebrate your love, an intimate wedding could be the perfect solution. Intimate weddings are also conducive to budget-conscious people. Vendors like catering and invitations that price their services per person will result in a lower cost overall. If you’re having a destination wedding, a smaller guest list will make planning much more manageable. (p.s., New York is an amazing place for a destination wedding)! I could go on, but I think you can see now that intimate weddings are a good fit for many types of couples seeking a more personal and meaningful celebration.
Is a wedding planner necessary for a small wedding?
Just because your wedding is smaller in scale, it doesn’t mean it’s going to be a piece of cake to plan. Have you ever hosted Thanksgiving at your house for just your family and agonized over which napkin rings to use? How about trying to plan a big dinner for your closest friends at a restaurant? Wedding planners are there to take the big pieces off your plate and act as a guide throughout the planning process. Most planners aren’t looking to micro-manage your day and hijack your vision. Like all vendors, there are wedding planners who have different specialties. Specializing in small and intimate New York weddings, I'm here to ensure your celebration is seamlessly coordinated. Even if you feel confident about planning, consider hiring a planner to assist with day-of coordination and ensure your intimate wedding unfolds effortlessly.
How to think about your vendors
I’ve found from working with lots of small-wedding clients that at least one vendor feels like it’s not a priority and therefore not worth spending money on. I totally get that and am all for putting money towards what will make you happiest. That said, you need to have a solid plan in place before you decide it’s a good idea to replace a vendor altogether.
Music
While DJs or live musicians often take a back seat in smaller celebrations, you can create a personalized atmosphere with a thoughtfully curated background music playlist. First, you’ll need to check with your venue to see if there are in-house speakers you can connect to. If not, you’ll need to rent a PA system and bring it yourself. Unless you have a very tech savvy friend, I’d suggest paying a little extra to have the rental company set it up for you to ensure a seamless experience.
For those skipping the DJ but craving a musical touch, a good alternative and compromise is to hire a soloist for your ceremony and cocktail hour. For those who really want to avoid this expense, talk to your wedding planner. While I always let clients know that I am not a DJ and can’t take over those duties, I am happy to hit play and pause on an iPhone or iPad if the flow of the day allows.
Food
As you might already know, food is one of the biggest expenses of a wedding day. Whether you want to cut costs, want to have your wedding during a unique time of day, or have other entertainment plans for your guests, the most important thing is setting expectations. Even though you’re having a small wedding and guests may understand it’s less “traditional”, they will likely still expect a meal. This does not mean you’re obligated to serve one! You just need to let them know through your invitations.
To embrace a more budget-friendly and unconventional approach, consider shorter timeframes or holding the reception in between meal times.This could mean a late morning ceremony followed by brunch snacks, or a late afternoon ceremony followed by happy hour. In either case, guests can go off on their own afterwards and have a full meal if they’re still hungry.
Bar
This is a topic that comes up a lot when it comes to smaller weddings. 9 times out of 10, I recommend hiring a bartender, even for intimate weddings. You don’t need to go crazy with a full-service company, but even a single bartender (guest count dependent) will make all the difference.
Not only does this take away any liability from you, but it also means there is someone monitoring the mess throughout the party and will clean up at the end. A self-serve bar may seem better because it’s casual, but this is an area I’d strongly advice against a DIY set up.
The upside to a smaller group is that you actually can manage a lot of the bar aspects yourselves leading up to the wedding. Buying beverages for a smaller group is more manageable than buying for 100 or more guests, offering potential cost-cutting benefits.
Decor
Decor is one of the most fun aspects of wedding planning because it can act as a true extension of a couple’s personality. With smaller weddings, it may seem enticing to take on a lot of DIY projects. I caution couples going down this path to be careful not to bite off more than they can chew. Making your own flower arrangements is harder than it looks, and there are things to factor in that you might not even think of. For example, how are you going to get your centerpieces to your venue? Do you have a car that can hold them all? What about when you are getting your hair and makeup done the morning of your wedding?
If you are going to do your flowers, think about smaller arrangements and splitting the work with a florist. Maybe your personal flowers, like bouquets and boutonnieres, are done professionally, but you handle your table pieces.
Guest Entertainment at Small Weddings
As I mentioned earlier, one of the main reasons you might be having a small wedding is to give your guests a more unique experience. If you don’t want to center your day around drinking and dancing, here are some other ideas you can use.
Games
Have one of your friends MC the newlywed game and ask all your guests to participate by holding up paddles with your faces or host a game of trivia with questions from all of the couple’s favorite categories. For a less structured celebration, rent large versions of classic games like Jenga and Connect Four, or set up a board game table.
Karaoke
There are so many awesome karaoke places in NYC and many of them have private rooms. Alternatively, rent a karaoke machine and bring it to your venue.
Cultural Elements
Adding parts of your cultures into your day in accessible ways makes guests feel closer to you. One of my past clients had a henna artist on-site and it was a huge hit!
MIXOLOGIST
While mixing your own cocktail wouldn’t be possible at a large party, it can work well in an intimate setting. Be sure to talk with your venue about self serving alcohol options before committing to this idea.
You can also discover other guest entertainment ideas in my blog post, “Entertainment Ideas To Elevate Your Intimate Celebration”.
How to Choose your Intimate Wedding Venue in New York
Size First
While there are hundreds of stunning wedding venues in New York, not all of them cater specifically to small weddings. There are definitely ways to make a bigger venue feels smaller, like lounge areas and pipe and drape, but when a space is too big, it ruins the intimate vibe. People will naturally spread out into groups and you’ll lose the coziness you were trying to create. It may seem hard to find at first, but there are venues designed for lower guest counts.
Location Matters, but Not as Much
A plus to having a small wedding is that boutique hotels and inns may actually be able to accommodate everyone on-site. This means you can opt for a wedding in a harder to reach location (hello Hudson Valley and Catskills couples!) if you have on-site rooms for your whole group.
If your venue can’t accommodate everyone, you still might be in a better situation. Unlike larger groups, you won’t need to find a big hotel chain that can hold a large guest count. The less people you have to find accommodations for, the more your options open up.
Think About the Overall Experience
Many couples who are planning a New York intimate wedding want to make a whole weekend out of it. If that’s the case, think about what you want your guests to experience. Do you want to take everyone on a hike? You probably want to be outside New York City. Do you think a Yankee game would be rad? Obviously NYC would be a better choice.
Small Wedding Venues in New York
I’ve written about affordable Hudson Valley wedding venues and intimate New York City and Brooklyn wedding venues under $5,000. This time, I’m going to list only venues that can hold a max of 75 people.
NYC & Brooklyn
Gorgeous exposed brick in a and crystal chandeliers make this Brooklyn venue perfect for a small group
Capacity: 50 people
The penthouse suites provide awesome NYC views while still offering a reprieve from the busy city atmosphere.
Capacity: 50 people
If dark wood and American antiques are your thing, Gramercy Tavern would suit your super small group well.
Capacity: 22 people
Providing a cozy and intimate atmosphere, Le Fan Fare blends French-inspired charm with a touch of modern elegance.
Capacity: 75
Between the eclectic floral Jia Lounge and the beautiful floor-to-ceiling glass penthouse, you have your pick of intimate spaces at this Lower East Side Hotel.
Capacity: 70 people
The orange accents on the windows add a touch of fun to this otherwise elegant farm to table restaurant.
Capacity: 60 people
Seeking a charming garden ambiance? Colonia Verde is perfect for intimate gatherings that seek a blend of rustic charm and culinary excellence.
Capacity: 70
The timeless architecture and intimate ambiance make it an ideal choice for couples desiring a sophisticated and historic charm.
Capacity: 75
With simple black and white decor, L’Artusi’s mezzanine is great for groups who want to have the liveliness of a restaurant but still have their own private space.
Capacity: 55 people
These venues offer a range of styles and atmospheres, making them ideal choices for small and intimate weddings in NYC and Brooklyn.
Making it Official
When you’re in the final stretch of wedding planning, you need to make sure you have the right legal documents in place. You have a few options for going through the legal marriage process in New York.
New York City
Option 1
In order to get your marriage license in NYC, you must go to the Office of the New York City Clerk. You cannot make an appointment, so be prepared to take some time out of your day to do this! Both parties must be present.
Once your paperwork is complete, you’ll be able to take your marriage license with you the same day. You need to wait 24 hours to have your ceremony, but the license is valid for up to 60 days. You’ll need your officiant to sign the document and send it back after your wedding in order to receive your marriage certificate in the mail.
Option 2
Follow the same steps to get your license, however you can go back the following day and get legally married at the NYC Marriage Bureau. This option is great for couples who want to have a private ceremony, those who want the ceremony to be short, if you don’t care about saying your own vows, or if you’re coming in from out of town and don’t have an officiant.
Bonus tip: Your NYC marriage license applies to anywhere in New York State.
Outside NYC
If you’re getting married outside New York City, you’ll go to the town clerk’s office where you’re getting married. Every town clerk has different rules, so it’s best to visit their website to see if an appointment is necessary.
Officiants
In order to get legally married in New York, you need to have a licensed officiant perform your ceremony. While there are many people who do this as a profession, anyone can become ordained. If you want to honor a family member or friend by making them your officiant, go for it! Prospective officiants can visit the Universal Life Church online to get ordained for free.
Name Change
If you’d like to change your name in New York, you’ll be able to indicate your new last name on your marriage application. The social security office is contacted so technically you can start using your new last name. From there, you’ll need to visit the social security office with your marriage certificate to get your new card. Once you get that, the next stop is the DMV. Finally, you can use that to apply for a new passport.
If you are going on your honeymoon immediately following your wedding, do all the name change stuff once you’re back.
If you’re waiting, give yourself enough time to get all the new documents back. It’s a much bigger pain to change your name with the airlines if you decide to book first and change your name after!
I hope this comprehensive guide helps you get started with planning your New York intimate wedding. But if the idea of planning your wedding still feels overwhelming, don't worry. As a New York native and experienced intimate wedding planner, I'm here to alleviate the stress. Reach out to me, and let's go on this journey together—I'll guide you through every step and help you discover the best spots and vendors around to make your intimate celebration truly special!